Sex ed fails teens by ignoring sexting

The internet has changed how kids learn about sex, but sex ed in the classroom still sucks. In Sex Ed 2.0, Mashable explores the state of sex ed and imagines a future where digital innovations are used to teach consent, sex positivity, respect, and responsibility.

When Johanna Burgos asks rooms of teenagers whether they know someone who has sent a nude picture, about 90 percent of the room always raises their hand.

“Whether they’re sending the photo or not, they know someone who is sending the photo,” she says.

Burgos oversees a program that teaches healthy relationships at middle schools in New York City. She uses this story to illustrate one thing: Teenagers need to learn about sexting.

But they’re not.

American students are either not learning about sexting in the classroom at all, or the lessons they do receive don’t adequately address the wide spectrum of experiences teens may have.

There’s no comprehensive data showing the number of U.S. school districts that address sexting in sex ed, but several sex educators told Mashable that it’s uncommon, based on their experiences and conversations with school officials.

Burgos, who works for Day One, which focuses on dating abuse and domestic violence, describes it as “hit or miss.” When she does a workshop on technology, for example, some school administrators ask her not to talk about it at all. Others want her to broach the subject because they hear that students are sending nude photos and spreading rumors. Alternatively, they want to help students figure out if it’s a healthy choice for their relationship or coercive.

One thing is clear for sex educators, though: Avoiding the subject isn’t the right approach.

“It can’t be comprehensive sex education if we’re not talking about what’s relevant to our young people, and sexting is a big part of that,” says Brittany McBride, a senior program manager for sexuality education at Advocates for Youth, which partners with schools to provide sex education.

Only 24 states and D.C. mandate sex education be taught, according to the Guttmacher Institute, a research organization focused on reproductive health and rights. Twenty states require lessons on condoms or contraception while 27 states mandate that abstinence be stressed and 18 states require that students be taught the importance of only engaging in sexual activity when married. None specifically require sexting be taught.

This haphazard landscape makes it hard for experts to understand and estimate what’s being taught.

“Some schools will use a list of evidence-based interventions, some schools write their own curriculum. It’s kind of all up in the air. Some don’t have one at all,” explains McBride.

Schools are also dealing with a relevancy issue. They may not be able to keep up with the changing way teenagers communicate, says Nicole Cushman, the executive director for Answer, a national organization that provides sex ed resources to young people and educators.

“One of the challenges is that many of the curricula that are in use today were developed in the ‘90s or the early 2000s, before this technology even existed or was very new,” she explains. That means it’s difficult for curricula to stay relevant and evolve because they need to be developed, tested, and refined, before ultimately being taught, she says. “By the time that happens, young people have moved on.”

The problem with 'Don't do it'

Educators may also be taking an overly simplistic approach to the topic. For example, 16-year-old Eka Tawe recalls that the lesson she had on sexting in school was not useful. Her class learned what it was and what some consequences of sexting are, but it felt inadequate. Tawe, who is in 11th grade in New Jersey, felt that while seeming neutral, the lesson positioned sexting as negative and lacked information on why it’s not always bad behavior.

Instead, Tawe hopes that educators address sexting in a way that accounts for both the consequences as well as benefits.

Educators shouldn't "make it out to be a bad thing but just precautions that should be taken when deciding whether or not to sext," Tawe wrote in an email.

Burgos has noticed this, too. “I’ve had schools who have wanted us to tell students that you shouldn’t sext, that it’s a bad idea, and it just shouldn’t be an option,” she explains.

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Likewise, the messaging that Cushman tends to see is fear-based and intended to discourage young people from sending sexual texts and images altogether rather than explaining to them that consent has an important role in sexting, too.

That’s not to say that sexting doesn’t come with risks, though. Teens need to understand that they may be breaking laws, says Valerie Sedivy, the acting director of capacity building and evaluation at Healthy Teen Network, a sexual health and education organization. The behavior comes with real consequences that have longterm effects, which is why Sedivy says it’s important for teenagers to learn about the behavior in a school setting.

“We know it’s not as effective just to tell people ‘don’t do it, don’t do it.’ That’s not helpful because as a person you need to be able to make your own decisions and learn skills to make your own decisions,” Sedivy says.

Let's talk about consent

Cushman similarly wants young people to be aware of the legal consequences, but there's more to it than that. Telling a teenager not to sext because they might be required to register as a child sex offender is not as effective a message as discussing the risks and responsibilities, she says.

Cushman and Answer encourage educators to frame conversations on sexting around consent. While Answer wants young people to understand that sending a sext comes with risks, and that once they send one, they lose control over where it’s shared, it also emphasizes that the person receiving the text still has the responsibility to make sure they’re not sharing it without the sender’s permission.

Cushman compares the issue to conversations around sexual assault, explaining that lessons on sexual assault were once primarily directed at girls and included tips such as watching drinks and employing a buddy system.

“We weren’t really saying to boys or young people of all genders ‘You need to respect people’s boundaries, and you need to make sure you get an affirmative yes before you proceed with any kind of sexual activity,’” she explains.

“We’ve really managed to evolve our conversations around consent and I think we need to do the same thing about sexting.”

Sexting also connects to key topics such as healthy relationships, bullying, and communication, says Sedivy. She describes a scenario in which someone is asked to send a sext. If this person doesn’t want to provide that, they need the skills to express that while also explaining that they want to preserve the relationship, she explains. On top of that, it’s important to be able to recognize that pressuring a person to send an image isn’t healthy.

The fear-based approach to sexting isn’t effective for another reason: It doesn’t give teens enough credit. Cushman says that even though sexting is common, teens are mixed about how they feel about the behavior. While many adults think that every teen is sexting and it’s unavoidable, many teens are weary about it, says Cushman.

“Young people are savvy about technology, much savvier than many adults, and so they do understand often that what they put out there in the digital world has some permanency to it and they don’t always have control over it,” she explains.

While sexting comes with consequences, such as having an image shared without consent, Cushman doesn’t discount the ways sexting can be a safe behavior. For example, unlike unprotected sex, sexting doesn’t come with the risk of STDs or unintended pregnancies. “It can be a way for young people to express their affection and desire for each other without putting themselves at physical risk, as long as they feel like they’re in a safe and trusting relationship when they do it.”

For Cushman, this behavior isn’t even that new, which should temper some of the worries that adults may have.

“Young people have been sending each other sexual messages since forever that used to be in the form of steamy love letters,” she says.

“The technology has certainly created new challenges because of the speed with which these messages can travel but in a way it’s just giving a new platform for the same behavior that’s always existed, and I think that’s helpful to keep in mind before we start to panic.”